Hey babes! Happy new year! It's been so long since my last post that I haven't even had a chance to wish you all well in 2017. I hope your holidays were filled with family and fun. I was so grateful to spend the holidays with my in-laws and even take a trip to see my sister over the new year. Living so far from my only sister is hard sometimes. I jumped at the chance to fly out there and spend the holiday with her. Which brings me to the reason for today's post.
I had an amazing time with my sister but sadly, my year ended with a bit of a surprise. The last couple of weeks, for me, have been filled with lots of stress and discomfort. You see, when I visited my sister we made a trip up to Tahoe for some new year's eve skiing. Unfortunately, I've never skied before and I'm not a coordinated person. I took a bit of a tumble twisted my knee, heard a pop, and have been down for the count ever since.
Initial reports confirm I tore my ACL however, I don't know the extent as of yet. Hopefully I'll now more next week when I have my first orthopedic appointment to discuss the possibility of surgery and/or rehab.
Today, I just wanted to write and get it all our there. I've tried so hard to keep it all together since the accident. I've tried to be patient and wait for results. I've tried to stay positive and optimistic. BUT...(there's a but) you see, this injury leaves only a very small chance that I will complete Ironman in April. As heart breaking as that is to admit, I have to face the reality and prepare myself for every outcome. There is still some small chance that I will see my orthopedic doctor and he will tell me that I can race however, I'm pretty sure that percent is slim to none.
These first few weeks of the new year have really set the tone for the rest of the year. I realize that I have two choices here: I can feel sorry for myself and allow my thoughts to drift into negativity OR I can remain optimistic, determined and focus on my recovery. I have to decide what kind of year I want this to be and I need to stick with it!
When I first announced I was going to do an Ironman it was because I wanted to prove to myself that I had recovered from my past. I survived my struggle with addiction, depression, and self-harm. I wanted this race to be the big F-you to the negativity I carried with me for so long. So, yea it hurts to think I wont get that chance in April BUT that doesn't mean I WON'T get that chance AND it doesn't mean I can't continue to live a life filled with positivity in the mean time.
The last few weeks I've been hobbling around my life with a brace and crutches and there have been many times that I could feel my thoughts drifting and a lump building in my throat. A lot of people have told me that it's normal to feel loss. It's normal to want to feel down or angry or sad because I'm injured or even because I may not get to race. A lot of people have also told me to get some perspective! Just because I tore my ACL it doesn't mean my life is over. It also doesn't mean my triathlon career is over. It just means I need to step back and recover.
The prognosis for an ACL tear is generally a good one when you think long term. Though I will likely need surgery and the road to recovery will be long, I will recover and may even recover stronger than I was before. So even though this accident may mean that my initial plan to race in April is no longer feasible it doesn't have to mean it's all come to an end.
I will have more of an update on Monday after I see my ortho. Until then, I'll continue to remain positive and hope for the best. Who know's, maybe my doctor will have surprisingly good news for me!
Before I go I want to leave you with this one final thought. You can call it a motto of sorts. Just because things don't work out the way you planned them, doesn't mean they don't work out for the best. Everything works out for the best in the end. All you have to do it accept it.
Happy running babes!